The Bingo Theory: A revolutionary guide to love, life, and relationships. by Mimi Ikonn

Author:Mimi Ikonn [Ikonn, Mimi]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780995460409
Publisher: Dreamers & Creators Ltd.
Published: 2016-05-10T07:00:00+00:00

- RUMI

CHAPTER XI

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

MOST RELATIONSHIPS are based on fear—fear of losing the other person, fear that you’re not good enough, fear that they are not good enough. This fear makes us crazy. This fear makes us feel powerless and desperate. It makes us do things we shouldn’t do and accept behavior we shouldn’t accept.

Why the fear?

Well, for years we’ve looked to others to complete us. Masculine Strength People have looked to Feminine Strength People to provide them with love, nurturing and wisdom.

Feminine Strength People have looked to Masculine Strength People to protect them, and take control.

In some ways this might sound like it makes sense – after all, it’s why people often refer to their partners as their “other half.” And it might even work—for some time.

You meet someone and there’s chemistry. “This is it!” you think. I feel complete! He or she meets all my needs!

Then, before too long, fear starts to creep in. You start to worry that this person may leave you— the person who fulfills all your needs—may leave you. You panic. You become jealous and controlling. You behave in ways you hope will make them stay. You tolerate bad behavior because you’re afraid of being on your own again.

Then as time goes by something else happens. You start to feel dissatisfied. You realize that even though you’re clinging to this relationship, you still don’t feel complete. They’re not doing enough. They’re not behaving the right way. They’re not good enough. You get angry and frustrated with them. You nag and manipulate them. You try to control them.

The relationship continues with an under current of bitterness and resentment – or it ends and you look for someone new. You then repeat the pattern. You always look to other people to make you feel whole and wonder why it never works out.

This kind of relationship – the kind that many of us are in – is not love. It’s an arrangement with a contract that says, “If you behave this way, then I’ll love you and if I behave that way, then you’ll love me.” But this never works out. Why? Because nobody can make us feel whole – or make us feel love - except ourselves.

When you balance yourself—when you become a Bingo—you attract a different kind of relationship. When you’re a Bingo you don’t need anyone to complete you. You’re already complete. You don’t need anyone to make you happy. You’re already happy. And you don’t need anyone to love you. You already love yourself and everyone around you.

Instead, you love for the sake of loving. You love unconditionally, expecting nothing in return.

The Magical Kitchen

There’s a beautiful story that explains unconditional love in one of my favorite books, The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz.

It asks you to imagine that you have a magical kitchen in your house that provides you with all the food you need, all the time.

Because you have so much, you are happy to share it with others – not because you want anything in return, but just because it feels good to share.

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